Expectations

 

Recently I saw two newspaper columns whose attacks on the Pope were an embarassment of exaggeration and ignorance. I find the end of chapter 21 in John's Gospel helpful in dealing with this present crisis.
Instead of the more familiar designation of Peter as the "rock" on which the church is built, Jesus tells Peter that he is a shepherd and that his authority is based on his love for Jesus. Jesus expects Peter and his successors to love and care for the faithful as a shepherd does his sheep. This has a very different feel from the rock imagery and expands my expectation of the way a pope leads.
To reverse Peter's denying Jesus three times, Jesus asks Peter three times, "Do you love me?" Jesus wants Peter to see that he is making him the leader despite his failings. He doesn't expect Peter and his successors to be without fault. So I know that a pope may make mistakes in governing the Church.
Jesus doesn't give the sheep to Peter. He expects Peter to take care of them for him. So I belong to Jesus, not to a pope. My faith is not in the papacy, no matter how much I may cherish and respect it. My faith is in Jesus.
These different expectations keep the present crisis from getting me too upset.
(This lovely waterfall was in a small stream that I passed last Sunday.)

Business as Usual

 

I am impressed that John in the 21st chapter of his Gospel bothers to tell us that the disciples caught 153 large fish. It helps to remember that these men had been fishermen who caught and sold fish for a living. They are not just enjoying a few hours fishing the way men do in the lake in front of my house.
What astonishes me is that, while their newly risen Lord is waiting for them on the lakeshore with some fish already on a fire, they take time to hunker down and count the fish they've caught. In John's Gospel Jesus has appeared to them twice before, but it's almost as if they have forgotten or dismissed it. They are back to business as usual. These are the men whom Jesus handpicked to be his companions while he was walking the earth and to continue his work in the world!
An intense prayer experience of Jesus' presence can't end in business as usual. I want it to make me more aware of my union with others in Christ and urge me to spread that Good News.

Consolation

 

As I was finishing the previous blog about losing Paradise, Mother Nature sent me this consolation.

Tear Down Paradise

 

A sad morning for me.
There is only one short stretch of road in my neighborhood that has trees on both sides and no houses. I love this part of the road. If I have time only for half a walk, this is the way I go. I like the solitude.
This morning excavators were there making driveways into the woods on one side where presumably houses will be built.

Looking Back

 

With this blog turning three years old, I want to take a look at my life in retirement.
I said initially that I want to record in the blog what God is doing with me here. I'm glad I put it that way. I am even more aware now that whatever growth happens is God's doing. Early on I read Sister Wendy Beckett's book on prayer. She stresses over and over again that prayer is God's work. So is the growth of my relationship with God.
I think I am a better friend to God than I was when I retired. Not that God's a better friend to me. God couldn't possibly love me anymore than when I was 70 or 50 or when I was born. God has always been completely present to me and has always loved me perfectly.
The change has been in me. In this time alone here God has helped me to grow in awareness and love. I am much more aware of God's continual presence and constant love. I have become better able to surrender myself in love to God. I hope this has spilled over into my relationships with other people.
Another theme that I find running prominently through these retirement years is my finding God in the Beauty and Awesomeness of nature. I am blessed here on this lake and in these mountains with glorious views, as well as simple up close glimpses of something like these leaves just beginning to open in the sunshine of an early spring morning.
All this has been accompanied by great joy. Sometimes the joy is so intense that there is a sort of pain that comes with it that I attribute to my inability to take it all in.
Five or six years ago, as I contemplated retiring, I realized that I was only thinking about whether I would be happy here by myself doing nothing for four or five years. It occurred to me one day that I might be here 20 years and I wasn't at all sure that I could do that. I needn't have worried. These nearly four years have gone by very quickly. I look forward to as many as God will give me.

Faith from Love

 

Easter sunrise.
In John's Gospel the only disciple who comes to faith without seeing the Risen Jesus is the man called "the disciple whom Jesus loved." When he sees only the empty tomb we are told "he believed." When Jesus appears to the other disciples on Easter night, they believe. The following week when Thomas sees the Risen Jesus, he believes. Jesus says, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
That would be the community for whom the Gospel was written as well as all who have read it down through the centuries.
But first of all that would be "the disciple whom Jesus loved." I wonder if it's his being loved by Jesus that brings him to believe in Jesus without seeing him.
When someone loves me and looks out for me I find myself believing in them. Being loved by Jesus brings me to believe in him.

Blog Birthday

 

The moment before sunrise on Easter morning.
I started this blog three years ago today, at a friend's suggestion. At that time I didn't even know what a blog was. Since I was in high school I've kept a journal fitfully, some years writing almost every day, others just once or twice in the whole year. I decided to use this blog the way I used my journal. I wanted to reflect on what God is doing with me here in retirement.
Last night I read the first several entries from April, 2007, and one or two entries every month since then. I like it. The writing is good and succinct. The pictures add a lot to it. Originally I hadn't planned on using photographs. The first few entries have none. They have become a very satisfying part of it for me.
I wrote my journal only for my eyes. I have tried to approach this blog the same way, reflecting to myself, but letting someone look over my shoulder. I notice, however, that some entries are more like little sermonettes, addressed to the reader as well as to myself. I think I mainly want to keep it as if I am letting others read my journal.
When I started I intended to keep it something that anyone of any religious persuasion might find appealing, so that if they stumbled on it on the internet, they might find it helpful. But it was hard to write a journal without reflecting on some of my concerns as a priest. I gradually began also to reflect on the Scripture readings for Mass.
I still hope that those of other religions will find many of my reflections valuable.
Although few have made comments on the blog, I have received lots of encouragement from readers in person and by email.
In another entry I will try to see what themes I notice in this blog over this three year period.